where I go for holiday is the deepest part of the ocean. I'll be down there so I can see life down there like this to deep sea fish. I will be down there to be in peace and quiet and the dark. Anglerfish has big eyes and big teeth and they have a bright thing on it head to attract prey to eat. I want to be down there so I can be all by myself and say water is better than land.
Hi Jayden, it is me Kadyn.
ReplyDeleteI want to give you some feedback about your piece of writing.
First you need to fix up the start of your story instead of: Where I go you should put Where I would go, and you should fix up the: I'll be down there so I can see life down there, that doesn't make sense so you could put a comma in the sentence.
I thought that it was a really cool story just need more information.
Kadyn
Hornby High School